In the past, may couples attended pre marriage counseling with their priest/ pastor and had time to hash out all of these questions during long courtships (dating and conversion). Now in 2013, many couple do not have priest, opt out of pre counseling and really don't ask the deep questions one should have an answer too before tyeing the knot. This results in many couples according to statistics having a loosely tied knot instead of a knot that is forever bound. We at 1 Elegant Event want you and your mate to have a jump on the rest so we are giving you our top ten things to discuss with each other before getting married!
- Where will we live after the wedding? Even couples who choose to live together before marriage tend to want a fresh start location after the wedding. If you both have chosen to live separately, began to look for you new dwelling 3 months for rentals and 6 months for purchases before the wedding. It takes about 30 days to close on the sale of a house and about 2 weeks to close out your rental agreement. Remember to consider each others needs in the type, style and location of your new dwelling!
- What will your financial status be after the wedding, does one or both of your need to seek credit counseling before marriage? You don't want to drag your low credit score into a marriage and bring down your mates stellar rating. It takes at least 6 months to fix any reasonable amount of damage to your credit score so you can enter into marriage without money issues, which is the #1 reason for divorce in the USA!
- Does your mate expect you to be the lady of chores and he the man of chores? Figure out will he expect the traditional roles from you once married or will it be more of a compromise. This may seem trivial at first, but it is the small things that add up in the end to be big blow-ups.
- Who's family will we spend the Holiday's with? This may not be a problem if everyone lives in the same town, but what if his family is in New York and your family is in California?! Trade off Holiday's each year with both families, so none of the mother's will feel slighted. It will take some time to get used too if your families are close, but it will help you get to know your spouses family and learn their family traditions.
- Do discuss Sex and intimacy! The fire that most newly weds have does eventually die down, so do discuss each other ideas of a reasonable amount of intimacy each is expected to maintain for one another. It really is the great boding factor for your relationship!
- Recognize the cute bad habits each of you have, discuss them with each other and strive to fix them. Yes, know-one is perfect, but you can for you true love work on fixing something that annoys them. For example, my husband likes his toothpaste tube smooth and rolled, where I just pushed it out however! Over the years, I worked on it and now I smooth and roll the toothpaste, it really did not change me as a person to fix that little thing, but it made the man I love deeply very happy, so I was glad to do it! (unfortunately our kids squeeze like I did, LOL so he doesn't use theirs!)
- Discuss before marriage, how much information you will disclose to your friends/ family about your relationship and honor each others wishes (unless it involves you being in danger, then all deals are off) . When you get married, you marry them so do not get others involved in your lovers details or disputes, because when you have made up ( or you disclose some intimate details) they still won't be over it but you will and they will forever hold that grudge or detail.
- Do discuss the number of kids you want to have, if any, and all the details that go with it. If you are expecting to have 4 kids and send them all to the most exclusive private school in town, he may want to know that. You can not predict all the time whether this is an option, but it is always better to a least have a starter plan!
- What religion will you both uphold and what church/ synagogue/ location you will attend. Many couples today have a mixed religious household. I strongly believe that the couple should come together to decide to come together for one. You may disagree, and that is fine but it does make life more simple in the future. A family that prays together, stays together holds true in most cases. In any case, do discuss your options and devise a plan of action and also talk about which one if any will be introduced to your future children.
- The number 1 thing to talk about before getting married is to promise you will continue to talk, have conversation and try to compromise taking in account each other feelings on any topic you may face in the future. You get married to become 1, discuss everything as 1, and living forever as 1. Conversation is the key to a lasting marriage!
Congratulation, on your nuptials from
1 Elegant Event Wedding & Event Planning!
Wishing you love that last a lifetime!